The heading belongs to anyone who writes a cook book when it is so obvious that they have no idea what they are doing and can’t, in actual fact, cook.

I wanted to make a chocolate gateau today and went to a book I had entitled ‘the chocolate lover’s cookbook.’ Anyone that knows me is aware that I am not a chocolate fan and I do believe this is the first time I have opened this book since it was gifted to me. Just as well, as it happens.

Ok, so my baking skills are fairly simplistic, so I am the type of person to need a recipe for something fancy. I am following the instructions meticulously, all the while thinking to myself about the strangeness of not using margarine or oil and folding in stiff egg whites. I am supposed to divide the result into two greased springform cake tins. Here is where the light bulb goes on in the attic. Even I can see that there is not enough mixture to go into two. There is barely enough for one and I have the right size. I checked. Well, maybe I am wrong and it will rise up like a mountain while cooking? Meanwhile, on to plan B, find another recipe that looks ‘normal’ and get some mixture going for the other pan.

Show time. I have the makings of a cake, but not a gateau. I split the secondary cake into two layers and start to assemble, thinking to put the first effort in the middle. However, when I pick up the first effort I find I have, in fact, constructed a fairly substantial frisbee. Unfortunately these have been out of style since the eighties. The thing is so hard it could probably gouge a hole in steel. No, I can’t add this to the other two layers. I would prefer people not to smash their jaws trying to eat.

After a search, I found a red marker pen and have duly anointed the recipe with the annotation NFG. I shall look through the rest of the book when I have a moment, but I rather think I shall be filing it under G for garbage. I have no idea if the person who wrote this recipe guessed their ingredients and just put down what they thought they had used, or if they cooked a concrete burger and thought this was an appropriate addition to the book their were constructing. What is clear is this person should never have been allowed near a printing press.

Thunderclap campaign for Shadow Over Avalon.

My new favourite soup.

1 chicken breast pre-cooked, taken off the bone and diced. Bones retained.
4 large mushrooms, peeled and diced.
1 small parsnip, peeled and diced.
2 cloves of garlic, diced
2 chicken stock cubes
3 sprigs of parsley, chopped.
2 pints water
1 cup heavy cream
1 teaspoon ground black pepper.

Dump the first seven ingredients into a large saucepan and bring to the boil. Cook for fifteen minutes. Put in liquidizer and make into fine blend. Return to the saucepan and add the final two. Mix well, reheat and serve.

Help a writer in need..

Jim is a very dear friend going back to when we were wannabe writers and belonged to the Online Writers Workshop for Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror. I have had the privilege of beta reading for him over the years and am well aware of the help he extends to abandoned animals and those that need rehoming.  For those who don’t know this, Jim and Mikki, his wife, took into their sanctuary the pigs that played Babe in the film along with countless other rescues. Please think about helping someone who does so much good. Please follow the link and donate to a very deserving cause.

http://www.gofundme.com/n8jgr8