‘Would you like egg with your bacon or a slice of tomato?’ Never any reason given as to why both couldn’t figure. I wonder about that one.

And another gem. A trip to the coast that involves a picnic of either cheese and tomato sandwiches, or egg and cress. The beverage is invariably stewed tea, never any juice. The child, who was never taught to swim by the parents, is left to build sandcastles and pick up pretty rocks.

I sort of now see where my hatred for sitting in the sun on a beach comes from. Boring with a capital B.