Someone recently asked me what, if anything, I’d change if I could pick one thing in my life to do over. I’d choose to cultivate self-worth in some positive way that wouldn’t be subjected to constant put downs, which happened when I was young. If I could have had just one thing to hold as good, then perhaps now I wouldn’t be so subjected to black clouds when reverses happen.
Imagine a situation where nothing was ever good enough and no encouragement was ever given. I suppose it would have helped if I hadn’t been an only child as I would have had siblings for support, but I didn’t. I got very good at hiding disappointment and internalizing upset as a result. I was and still am a very shy person, so putting myself forward into the full glare of day requires courage.
It is almost impossible to change the ways set into one as a child, so that, I would change. Now where is my rock, for the black clouds are descending and I need to hide away for a bit.